In my downtime (a.k.a. me time), I sometimes scroll through TikTok. A common theme on contents that appear on my FYP (For You Page) are about husbands and wives. And for me, it’s actually funny and relatable to see couples have fun making fun of everyday married life.
Hubby and I met in 2005. We got married in 2006. We had our firstborn Aiden in 2010. Oliver came in 2014. Fifteen years and two kids later – I think he and I have come to a quite comfortable stage of familiarity, comfortability, and tolerance with each other.
Is there love? Love is there, absolutely! But marriage isn’t all about love. You just can’t eternally romanticize reality. Wedded bliss isn’t being swept off of your feet day in and day out. The prince doesn’t save the day every single day. Nope! Not when he is playing video games. The princess doesn’t go around singing like Cinderella 24/7. Nope! Not when the dishes and laundry are piled up. The palace gets messy and for Everyday Danny’s and Gracie’s like us – there aren’t butlers and maids to clean it. Nope! There are only kids (and sometimes adults who act like kids) who will recreate the messes half-a-second after you just cleaned it.
Recently, hubby and I had another one of those interesting conversations. He came into the room as I had just finished my morning classes. We talked about some of the most random things when he’s barely awake and I am barely caffeinated. On this particular morning – we ended up talking about us.
I asked him what he thought has changed about me through the years. He said that I no longer “dote” on him. He reminisced how I used to massage his feet after a day’s work and now, I don’t even like touching his feet! Fair statement. I don’t even like touching my kids feet because they walk around the house barefoot.
I asked him if anything has gotten better. He said that I have gotten better at cooking. We talked about how I used to only cook with salt and pepper. Accurate summation. Back then, I didn’t really know how to cook. I still don’t cook as much or as good as I think other wives and mothers do. But I now have a few recipes I can cook rather well.
Has anything stayed the same? He said my laugh has stayed the same. And we both just busted out laughing. I still laugh the same and still laugh a lot. It’s a fact! Even Oliver said I laugh more than his dad in one of our YouTube videos.
So then I asked if he still loved me. And he said, “yes”. I asked why. He said, “I don’t know. I just do.”
I, too, love him with all my heart. I don’t know why, but I do! And we’re going to continue to argue about who’s doing what chore but we’ll know when to do everything for the other when the other needs it. We’ll continue to tell each other how much we miss what we used to do for each other but appreciate everything we have become and do today. We’ll continue to drive each other crazy but we’ll never think about giving up because we know, the grass is almost never greener on the other side so why risk it?
What has stayed the same? I am still laughing. I am still happy. What we’ve built in fourteen years is my version of wedded bliss. What’s yours?
“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.”
– Robert Fulghum, True Love